Hospitality

When I was newly married I dreamed of having these wonderful dinner parties. Then two things came to mind; one I don't like cooking and two I am an introvert. I love to be alone. I have no problem sitting in the coffee shop, watching a movie, or shopping alone. I rather enjoy it.

A few years back I began to have memory loss due to my Prednisone. To make sure it was just a medication side effect, I was given a full psych evaluation. I expected them to come back and say I was just a little nutty, but Instead the newly graduated doctorate in psychology (she bragged about it) informed me I was depressed, I was so depressed, I had convinced myself I was fine. She pointed out comments I had said yes to in the personality survey. I like to be alone. I enjoy being alone. I would rather be alone than with a group of people. I sometimes wish I was alone. After a few minutes she had me believing I was in denial and was severely depressed. -- I have dealt with depression and I had no symptoms. So I went home thinking how pathetic I must be. Luckily my family and friends reassured me that I was just me and I did go see a "therapist" to make the "Dr" happy. The therapist sent a report stating I was extremely well adjusted for what I have gone through with my illness along with caring for a child who has a medical condition. So there is nothing wrong with me saying I like to be alone.

It has come across my mind, being married to an extrovert that being with people is not all that bad. Jim is always saying lets have someone over for dinner. Of coarse the moment it is out of his mouth I begin the whole Mary vs Martha battle. Those people would be great to hang out with vs I need to dust, mop, hide the laundry, clean the kitchen, clean the stove, refrigerator, and microwave of caked on food, clean the base boards that will be seen from any sitting position in the house, clean off the stairs, what am I supposed to cook, what if they don't like my cooking, what if my cooking makes them sick. Usually I just happen to forget to invite them. I have realized through my children this may not be the best example of hospitality. When Jim asked if we could have a family over for dinner this week Elliott said "Mom doesn't want people over, because she doesn't like them." WHAT!! He thinks I don't like people, I love my friends and making new friends. But my kids think I don't like people. My selfishness and pride is teaching my children that things have to be perfect in order to show others hospitality, when what I want to teach them is it is about the fellowship.

I have a list of families I want to have over, many to say thank you for the help they gave during my last flare, others to just get to know better, or old friends to catch up. It will probably keep our family having company every week for the next year! Amazingly what comes to mind is not what am I going to feed these people and keep my house clean but WOW God has really blessed me.

Tonight we had a family over and it was wonderful, the night went by quickly. I almost cancelled. I woke up with a terrible headache and was ill for most of the day. Laying in bed I started thinking about all that had to be done, do I have enough time to get everything done. Then I thought of the most important question - will it be worth it. Yes. I have friends who I love to go visit because they have laundry in piles on the couch and who know what is stacked on the kitchen counters. It shows me, I am valuable to them. That is what I want to share with people they are valuable not the cleanliness of my home.

With or without a good Lupus day, I am going to invite people into my home. My dishes and floors may be dirty, and the laundry IS hidden away unfolded, and Jim may actually be doing the cooking (Marcos or Chinese). Truly the most important part of hospitality is letting others know they are welcome in your life and are valuable to you.