White Flag

Some days we just need a break from our chronic illness.

I need a break. I think it. I say it. I don’t do it in a healthy way. Lupus, Type 1 Diabetes, or any other chronic illness does not allow breaks.

My threshold for dealing with lupus has grown but also has my ability to forgot what I need to do to live my best life with Lupus.

Recently my daughter with Type 1 diabetes had enough. She took a break. And like Lupus there are no breaks. After not watching her sugar constantly she quickly went into Ketoacidosis. She was tired of living with Type 1. 

I get it. 

We want a break but our bodies don’t allow them. If I head out to run errands without my sunscreen I will spend days in bed with debilitating pain and fatigue. One day of not being vigilant with my Lupus and my body rebels. 

We want to take a break and we know it’s not the best for our health. So what do we do. 

As we sat in the hospital I suggested we give each other a break. When keeping track of meds, blood sugar checks, or applying sunscreen begins to overwhelms us we will tell each other. We will wave the white flag and say we surrender, will you help. Remind me to take my meds, slow down and rest, reapply my sunscreen, wear a hat. I will remind you to check your sugar, bolus your insulin. 

There is no reason to go through a chronic illness alone, reach out and find someone you trust. Wave the white flag, surrender, and stop trying to do it all yourself. 

In what areas of living with a chronic illness can you wave the white flag, surrender, and ask for help?

Not Your Normal First Day of School

Today is the first day of school.

Today there will be no first day pictures.

We had one of the hardest weeks. How do you comfort an autistic teen with PTSD? We had no clue, but the best we could offer was space and love. We endured hours of yelling and blaming. He only sees black and white. If you did something wrong why isn’t there punishment. Why do I have to get an education if someone who educated me, hurt me? Questions we don’t have answers to.

I think back and I can recall the first day of school picture from his eighth grade year. His smile, he was ready to start a new year. This picture I hold dear to my heart, it was one of the last pictures I took of him with a genuine smile till recently.

If I could do anything to change that fall, I would. The horrible truth is there are predators in safe places. No amount of safe guards and back ground checks will completely keep our children safe. Our schools are safer then they have ever been. Sadly sexual abuse and violence will still happen.  

What are we to do? Especially if we do everything in our power to protect our children and they are still victimized.

We listen more carefully. Ask more open ended questions. Questions they cannot answer with a yes or no.Watch their body language when they talk about their day. Believe them. Let them know they are loved, they are safe. Question any comment they make that does not feel right. Trust your instincts. Talk with the other adults in their life.  

I wish I could go back. The day he told me about the weird substitute who would come in and talk to him in the bathroom. The days he screamed and refused to go to school but we made him. The day another teacher called me and said you need to come get him, I'm a mom too and I can tell he is extremely upset. I know that if I would have questioned more in these moments he may not have disclosed the abuse then. But, maybe. We could have more evidence, maybe justice. We would have helped our son that year, not two years later.

Please help us spread awareness. Help us let children, who are sexually abused, know they are safe and not alone. They do not need to be ashamed. They are loved. They are survivors.

90% of  children who are sexually abused know their abuser. ~ D2L.org 

Speak Out Against the Darkness

School starts in less than two weeks. After a fairly calm summer, night terrors have returned. I can’t tell you what the connection is, maybe mother’s intuition, but I wake. I stand at his door and hear his wrestling. Nothing breaks our hearts more than watching our children suffer. 

Asking for help is all we have left. And to be honest it’s not much different than dealing with a chronic illness. Life is not meant to be done alone. Sadly, sexual assault is treated differently. In the end all we want is for our son to find healing. And as I’ve said before there is no healing in darkness. 

Healing comes when we choose to walk away from the darkness and shift towards a brighter light.

~Dieter Uchtdorf 

Today I just needed to release my frustration with trying to figure out how to help our son and I can’t be strong for my son when I am struggling with my own emotions. Spinning at our local Y helps me. I have no idea how torturing my body on a bike allows me to let go emotionally, but it works. There was no class this morning, I sat on a bike in the dark and peddled away my  frustration. Allowing my mind to break through the darkness I feel and shift towards a brighter light.

As I was leaving I glanced over and saw the prayer request board. How I longed to speak the truth of what has happened to our son and to allow our community to come behind him in prayer. I have walked past this board over a hundred times since we found out. Each time I passed I told myself this is too much to share. This is considered private.  

THIS SHOULD NOT BE PRIVATE.  

A substitute teacher, who was once in our community and has since moved on, groomed and assaulted our son. 

Today I walked back to the board and picked up a sheet. I shakily wrote the truth. For a moment I debated whether to fill in the contact information on the back. Being anonymous meant keeping this private, remaining in the darkness. I signed my name and asked my community to be behind our son and family in prayer. 

No longer is remaining anonymous okay for our family. Being anonymous only keeps us in the dark.

If you or someone you love has been sexually assaulted please seek help.

www.rainn.org   1-800-656-HOPE

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**Anonymity was how our family started this process of healing. There is nothing wrong with reporting anonymously. Our family is at a place where we feel the best thing is for our voices to be heard regarding the devastating affects of child sexual assault.