Smile

When I was in elementary school a classmate asked "Why do you always smile?". I smiled but did not answer. I am not a big fan of talking. Perhaps this blog is just what the doctor ordered. Smiling was my way of dealing with illness. My mom was going through treatment for breast cancer and my sister had been diagnosed with this mysterious disease called Lupus. Our life was full of hospitals and doctor visits. My sister lost her battle with Lupus after five years. She told me I had a beautiful smile. Smiling is my way to say hang in, it will be O K. Somedays are better then others with Lupus. I call it a Lupus day. Today is one of those days. I am struggling. I do my best to smile. I guess you can call me an optimist. How much worse can it get. I have seen worse and I survived. What is a lupus day? A day when my fatigue makes every move difficult, putting my hair up because I am too weak to brush it. The pain in my hands so great I am having trouble holding a pen to write, my knees, elbows, and wrists ache and are fighting movement. When I see you I will smile, when you ask "How are you?" I will answer "good". When I am alone I will cry, I will grieve my body's unwillingness to work and keep up with the plans I have for the day. It will be a quick cry, a release. I will smile to myself remind myself I am not alone. God is with me, He will give me all the strength I need, the humility to ask for help (yes, I am still working on this). He has given me a support system of friends and family I could never have imagined. I'm blessed. So I smile. --Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9