Permission

I will admit I am a planner.  I expect everything to work the way I want it to, when I want it to, and how I want it to. I have been educated. Life does not work that way.  I have learned it does not work in a marriage, being a mother, being a friend, or living with Lupus. Most importantly I have learned (OK honestly I have to relearn this everyday) that God is the only one who has the best plan for me. I open my heart and mind to Him, learning through His word what is best for me.  I have been studying about the Sabbath and the importance of resting. God rested on the 7th day, He set an example on the importance of resting. Resting is something I do not find easy.  When I am resting I feel lazy.  Unfortunately, with having Lupus, resting has to be a priority.  As I lay down, even when my body has given up and cannot move, I hear the tape playing in my head -- stop being lazy, there are things to be done, you are just giving in.  I am starting a new tape to play -- you have permission to rest. Yes, give yourself permission. It is OK. I am giving myself permission to rest -- to admit that I have an illness that requires rest everyday  --  to say no when my body cannot go any further -- to enjoy the time I have to rest. AND I give permission to not think about the laundry or dishes that need done -- to not feel guilty when I have to cancel plans or let my kids watch too much TV. I now have given myself permission. Starting tomorrow, I'll just need to check my schedule.