Stop Your Fighting

I love quiet. Unfortunately I have nights when the quietness brings every negative thought to my mind.....You're failing as a wife...How can YOU be an adoptive parent? Its been years since you began praying for this, where are your children?... What if her blood sugar drops while she's sleeping?...What if we can't pay all of our medical bills?...What if he doesn't know the plans have changed and freaks out?....Then I remember two simple words. 

Be.

Still. 

Be Still. Are you kidding me? I don't have time to be still. I have to figure this out. I have to find a way. I need to fight through this. I need to do this, I have to fix it all.

And then I remember...Only he can fix it all. God is showing me what being still looks like in my life.

Being still is being patient. I don't need to become discouraged when I hear other families finding placements. When we get the call then find out we are the back up plan. I have to remember he knows the perfect children for our family and in his time they will be placed with us.

Being still is love with grace and without unrealistic expectations. Marriage is not easy. It is hard dirty work. Marriage is choosing to love someone each day. Good or bad. If I only look to how innocent words may have stung or on things I expect but never expressed, I don't give my husband the grace and love he deserves. Worst of all a seed of bitterness begins to grow inside me. When I am still my heart softens and I begin to see this amazing man God has created.

Being still is hope. Hope I will be healed of Lupus. Finding the ability to turn my pain into worship and accepting my physical healing may not come until the day I see Jesus.  And Yes, there are moments of anger and sadness when I focus on the hard words of  I cannot ever say I am cured. But it does me no good to ponder those thoughts too long. Without being still my hope begins to fade. Hope that reminds me of the greater good God will work within me.

Being Still is acknowledging God created my family. Even if in society my children are labeled  as "special needs" I can look at the pictures of "normal" families fitting into "normal" society on Facebook with envy or I can choose to look at the boy who wants to spend all of his time at home where he feels safe. The boy who is special to me because I have the privilege to love him as he is.

Being still is most of all knowing that in all of the above circumstances God has fought for me. In the HCSB translation Psalm 46:10 is translated "Stop your fighting and know I am God". The comforting command Be Still (Stop your fighting) tells me God has it all taken care of. When illness, the hurts of living in a broken world, or allowing my negative thoughts start to take me down I can rely on His promise. 

My God has fought for me. 

For me.

He loves me and has fought for me. The battle has been won. I am worthy to be fought for. To me that is all I need to know to Be Still and let God have his victory.

"He makes wars cease throughout earth.

He shatters bows and cuts spears to pieces; He burns up the chariots.

Stop your fighting and know I am God,

exalted among the nations, exalted on the earth."  

Psalm 46:10 HCSB