When God Says It's Time

It is done. I have been planning on doing it for awhile. Something always stops me. I made a decision. Today will be the day. Nothing will stop me.  I did it. I dropped off our adoption application. This has been a dream of Jim and I since before Elliott was born.  Something quiet in our hearts started speaking to us. There are children who are brothers and sisters that want to grow up together but may never have the chance. Children by no fault of their own who are waiting to know they are loved and belong to a family who will love them forever. 

We first started this process 11 years ago. It was after we lost our fifth child.  I was told my Lupus was terminal during my pregnancy with Sunny and because of a miracle we both survived. We knew why I could not carry children and the impact it would continue to have on my health.  We wanted a family so we started the adoption process.  There wasn't much discussion we both were drawn to the idea of bringing a set of siblings out of the foster care system. 

We had to stop the first process after finding out I was pregnant with Elliott.  We didn't know how my health would handle another pregnancy.  We were blessed to make it through with no complications.  We considered continuing after his birth but he was diagnosed with a genetic seizure disorder.   Six years later we started again. Jim was injured at work during our training, and we put it on hold again.  After he recovered we returned to the process again, then Sunny was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. I began to give up. Two years later I developed one of my worst Lupus flares. We were done. I had written in my prayer journal about these children that are out there who belong to our family and are waiting to come home.  I mourned for the idea of bringing these children home as I had mourned the loss of being able to carry more children.  Every time I saw a pregnant woman or hear of a families' successful adoption the tears would come to my eyes. I ended up in a dark place where I had to acknowledge my bitterness towards my situation and learn to accept it.  I am so thankful for the two children I have been blessed with but there seems to be an emptiness where I know more children should belong. I was so angry that God would take away this opportunity to love and raise more children. Each time the door closed. Was God really telling me no? 

I began to realize God's plan is always perfect.  In my life no matter how bad a situation was I can look back and know He brought about something amazing. Last spring that quiet voice started speaking again. It is time.  Don't be afraid. Don't let the fear of the unknown stop you.  Keep praying, you're children are waiting to come home. We will be waiting for when God says its time to bring them home.