I breathe deeply.

My forehead is red. Waiting for the mark to go away. I found myself in the most awkward position. IV in, face down, arms behind my back. Take a deep breathe. A new test. A new day. A new normal. I should be recovering from a partial hysterectomy. Instead I am waiting for a full hysterectomy and going through test after test. Laughingly, I tell the technician, I've been through a lot of tests but nothing like this.

I am thankful God's timing is perfect. Since my partial hysterectomy was cancelled I decided to have my yearly mammogram. It was supposed to be routine. The next day the call came. I pray. I breathe. We are used to those calls. We need you to come back. Something abnormal found. We take another picture. The next day the call came again. We need to biopsy. MRI scan to check for more clusters. Is this a dream? I have lupus. I can't be suspected of having Breast Cancer too. Our new normal has begun. They review my history, I have too much risk. So today I find myself in the MRI machine. In an awkward position, trying to slow my breath with prayer, searching my mind for every calming verse His word has spoken to me.... I fear.... How can this be? It has to be a mistake.... I remember who is in control. Who loves me. Who never forsakes. Who asks to carry my burdens. I breathe deeply. His peace fills my lungs.

I have heard all about you, Lord. I am filled with awe by your amazing works.  In this time of  need, help us again as you did in years gone by... Habakkuk 3:2