Monday, April 29, 2013

I breathe deeply.

My forehead is red. Waiting for the mark to go away. I found myself in the most awkward position. IV in, face down, arms behind my back. Take a deep breathe. A new test. A new day. A new normal. I should be recovering from a partial hysterectomy. Instead I am waiting for a full hysterectomy and going through test after test. Laughingly, I tell the technician, I've been through a lot of tests but nothing like this.

I am thankful God's timing is perfect. Since my partial hysterectomy was cancelled I decided to have my yearly mammogram. It was supposed to be routine. The next day the call came. I pray. I breathe. We are used to those calls. We need you to come back. Something abnormal found. We take another picture. The next day the call came again. We need to biopsy. MRI scan to check for more clusters. Is this a dream? I have lupus. I can't be suspected of having Breast Cancer too. Our new normal has begun. They review my history, I have too much risk. So today I find myself in the MRI machine. In an awkward position, trying to slow my breath with prayer, searching my mind for every calming verse His word has spoken to me.... I fear.... How can this be? It has to be a mistake.... I remember who is in control. Who loves me. Who never forsakes. Who asks to carry my burdens. I breathe deeply. His peace fills my lungs.

I have heard all about you, Lord. I am filled with awe by your amazing works.  In this time of  need, help us again as you did in years gone by... Habakkuk 3:2

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Beautiful Creation

On our flight home from California we flew over the Grand Canyon. Pictures and movies can not do it justice. I can't begin to imagine the wondrous beauty it would be to behold from the ground! It amazed me, the vastness, the time it took to be created, and is taking to be created. Millimeter by millimeter it is being carved out. Only God knows how deep and wide he has visioned it to be or which minuet piece of sand and rock will flow through to bring it to completion.

I realized we are similar to the  Grand Canyon process. I too am being shaped. By the friends and family I have, my struggles with my Lupus, the consequences of my sins, the lessons I learn every day, each one is a minuet piece of sand and rock shaping me. God is slowly carving me into who I am meant to be. He is the Living water to bring all the rocks of hurt, disappointment, and sin in our fallen world into something beautiful. I am one of God's beautiful creations. How often do we think of ourselves as a beautiful creation? We were created by God to be his beautiful creation. But we have damaged his creation through our sin. He so eagerly wants to restore us to the beautiful creation he has visioned for us. If we stand firm and allow him to shape us with the freeing grace found through Christ and follow him in obedience we will become the beautiful creation he has visioned us to be. Even more wonderful than the Grand Canyon.

Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them.” (John 7:38 NIV)

You answer us with awesome and righteous deeds, God our Savior, the hope of all the ends of the earth and of the farthest seas, who formed the mountains by your power, having armed yourself with strength, who stilled the roaring of the seas, the roaring of their waves, and the turmoil of the nations.

The whole earth is filled with awe at your wonders; where morning dawns, where evening fades, you call forth songs of joy. (Psalm 65:5-8 NIV)