Emotionally and physically draining.
I always thought it would get easier as I aged.
But I'm still waiting.
If only one thing would go smoothly or just as I planned.
What if everyone in our family was perfectly healthy, no overdue medical bills, everyone gets along? My hopes and plans workout?
Would I then be content? Because in all honesty some days it's a struggle.
On the days when I've just had enough, when giving up seems like the simpler path, why don't I. Because I can't.
Deep down I truly believe the struggle and pain are worth it. Deep down I know hard is good. Hard teaches me to love with patience. Love for today. Don't give yesterday's struggle or mistakes a seconds thought, don't give tomorrow's uncertainty the smallest thought of fear. Hard makes me vulnerable. I can't survive hard without sharing the details, the nitty gritty heart wrenching moments with friends I can trust. When life is hard I appreciate the little things. Clean laundry not folded, siblings laughing together, teeth are brushed, 5 minutes of calm.
Life is hard. I wouldn't have it any other way.
I originally wrote this blog in May. Our family was dealing with the struggles of moving in the midst of all our normal battles. Of course it was only a season.
Then this summer we were contacted about adopting the two boys we had hoped to adopt over a year ago. We quickly went through the home study process here in Indiana. Unfortunately, this fall we were informed it wasn't going to work yet again. We were encouraged to continue the adoption process here in Indiana for other children. We were devastated and are hurting. We are praying about whether we will continue to pursue adopting.
It's been hard. It will be hard. I will consider it joy.