Thursday, March 27, 2014

Puzzle Piece

Question, pages and pages of questions, I check all the boxes that are part of our normal. I check the boxes because its time for answers and time to find the puzzle piece to connect with our son. Time to acknowledge our son is not the accepted normal in the world's society. 

In order to support and give him an opportunity to be comfortable in the worlds society, we've realized he needs to be acknowledged as who he is. It is not easy to acknowledge your child is not emotionally "normal". The idea of attending youth group and church terrifies him. Hands flap...tears flow...voice's too loud....they make fun of me...but he obeys and goes...our heart breaks.

Avoidance of playmates, he was shy. Avoidance of eye contact, he needs to learn manners. Arguing his answer is the correct one, he's rude. Falls down, he's clumsy. Obedient to anyone, he's a good kid.

The reality, his mind doesn't work as ours does. To him the idea of being around others isn't necessary, schedule is. He can't understand he can be wrong, sarcasm is true. Facial expressions don't mean a thing, his hurtful comments are just truth.

We accept our normal because this is God's will and not ours to question. He knows the grand plan and IT IS PERFECT. Even when we can't perceive it. 

Our normal now has another name to it....Aspergers.....high functioning Autism. A name that will allow us to understand and give him an opportunity to find moments of comfort in the world's society. The puzzle piece we can add to give him a better picture in life.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Tomorrow I Will Fight the Dog Over the Laundry

The dog is sleeping in the laundry. At least it hasn't been folded. It may never be folded. Newspapers on the couch, stuffing from dog toys cover the floor. And I am on the couch. I soooo want to clean it. I will rest tomorrow. This little lie has caught up with me. God has blessed me with a slow down mechanism as part of my Lupus since he knows me all to well. I have gone and gone maybe taking an afternoon here or there to rest. Last week the warnings were clear. When I've done too much my heart decides to slow me down. First racing then dropping to dangerously low rates. It's my bodies way of saying slow down. And if I don't listen. I tend to find myself being forced to rest. Flat on the ground....My face in my plate.....High school prom....Family dinners...It's never a fun time..When my body says I've had enough but my to do list says keep going. I argue when I should just listen. I've learned to listen. Ok, I listen most of the time...some of the time...I'm listening now. 

I forget how important it is to take care of myself. 

It is moments like this that reminds me how different living with a chronic illness is. How often I have to say study...taking trips with friends....just running errands during the day. I feel trapped in my own home. Forced to live a different life. I life I did not choose....but a life I must embrace. Our families normal...

A normal that has taught us to live life at a slower pace. Enjoying sunrises, sunsets, cloudy days. Reading books and playing games in bed. If I listen, life with chronic illnesses tells me what is important. How I spend my time....embracing rest because this is what God has planned for me today. He didn't plan for me to check everything off my to do list, my home to be perfectly clean. I will embrace that today I can offer reading together on the couch...tomorrow I can fight the dog over the laundry.