Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Somedays I Feel Like a Toddler

It's 6 am and I am getting up. I DON'T like mornings. I don't know what I was thinking when the receptionist said will 9:30 work and I shook my head. I must of been in a post sleep dream state. Yes, I can be here again at 9:30. I love mornings. We can do so much while We're in Fort Wayne/Toledo if we go in the morning.  Target, the mall, we could go to the zoo. Then I realize besides the fact I have no money. I am too tired and ready for a nap after the doctors and the drive. I still have to drive back. We'll stop at one store maybe two. I'll rest tomorrow. Oh, I have to do this again. I'll rest this weekend. Fine, I'll just run into Target and buy what I need. I won't look at anything. Eyes on the floor. Look at that hat, I really could use a new pair of shoes (use not need), storage containers (I can get organized)... Get back in the car and go home and take a nap. Somedays I feel like a toddler. I argue and throw mini tantrums with myself. I know what I have to do to stay healthy, but I just want to play while that bright yellow thing called the sun shines down on me. Pretend my body will not say that's enough you need to lie down after 20 minutes in it's warmth. So in my mind I am stomping my feet saying no this is not fair, while I take the drive home and get into bed for a nap. And as I lay there I remember how thankful I am that I can walk, clean my house, and cook. My kidneys and brain are doing what they are supposed to and I don't have a fever. I forgot how nice it is to not have a fever. Ok. Nap time is good.