And now I am here wrestling with fear. That's how I've been feeling. I thought I knew that I was in God's hands but my actions have proven otherwise.
To be totally honest, I have allowed fear to take over my hope.
And all because what is happening in my life is not how or when I would have it happen.
I have spent the last few months wrestling with everything...my faith...God's will...all because I want it my way.
I take my eyes away from Jesus because the details don't make sense to me. I forget he knows the details that affect today and tomorrow.
A month ago we were hoping to be considered to adopt two precious children. But our path has been detoured by an amazing opportunity for our family to move closer to family and our doctors. Ten years ago I prayed for a job for my husband. I never thought God would answer when we had an opportunity to adopt.
The timing doesn't make sense to me. Adopting...Moving. How are we to do both?
So here I am, I have taken my eyes away from Jesus and placed them on the fear of the unknown.
Fearing we will lose this opportunity to grow our family...Fearing once again it's not going to happen...Fearing I will have to be patient to wait for more children...Fearing I won't have the patience and give up.
So as we wait to know if we are a match for these children, our family is holding on to hope that seems imposible.
I am surrendering my fear and holding on to hope because I believe in a God who moves mountains.
Holding on to hope because my God is with me even when I begin to doubt and look away long enough to begin to fear.
Holding on to hope even when I know the outcome is not when or what I may want because I know God has something even better planned.
I will hope in the tomorrow God has planned because with God there really are no upset plans.
Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold on to you with My righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10 HCSB