It happens in our communities.
We thought it couldn’t happen to our family.
But it did.
We have walked in a haze of emotions, not sure what to say or what to do. The one thing that comes to mind is there should be no shame. This should not be hidden, it must be brought into the light, then healing will begin.
If my child was physically assaulted it would not be hidden, so why do we make our children feel they need to hide in shame when they are sexually assaulted. Shame has to stop. Because of my own experience I will tell you shame only hinders the healing process.
When we first found out what had been done to our son we told very few people, allowed the police to investigate. Now the investigation is finished, no charges will be made because there is no evidence. Two years was too late, no one remembers, no one will speak up. Except for our family.
Two years ago our son started refusing to go to school. We assumed it had to do with his Autism. He began hating science, a subject he loved and excelled in. Progressively we dealt with anger, withdrawal, depression and thoughts of suicide. We knew something was wrong so instead of going back to work, I stayed home with him. One morning he made a comment and it all made sense. Horrible, devastating sense.
Our son was groomed, but we missed the signs. We saw them as a misunderstanding of conversation between a teen with Autism and an adult. The second my son spoke his secret all those conversations rushed to our minds. The warnings we missed.
It has been almost a year since our son shared his secret of what happened his eighth grade year. We cannot help but think what if he didn’t feel it needed to be kept secret, what if we decide to stop keeping secrets, to stop feeling ashamed. These kids are not victims, they are survivors. We cannot help them survive if we do not help them heal. They cannot heal if they feel shame.
Sexual assault will happen to 1 in 10 children by the age of 18.
While the rate of conviction is high, arrests are made in only 29% of child sexual abuse cases.
About 90% of child abuse victims know their abuser.
Only 38% of child sexual abuse victims ever disclose their abuse.
These are devastating statistics. What if we stop treating sexual assault with shame and secrets? One less child hurt, one less family devastated by abuse is all we are hoping for.
***This post was written by the suggestion of our son. We will not publicly share details of the incidents that occurred.
We are extremely thankful to our son’s school, guidance counselor, and teachers who have been supportive in helping our son return to school. To the family and friends who continue to walk this journey with us there are no words to express our gratitude.
For more information on Child Sexual Abuse:
RAINN rainn.org
Darkness to Light d2l.org
