Surrender

It's been a long week. It started out well but by Wednesday I gave in. I just wanted an escape. The burdens of dealing with a Type 1 Diabetic child and my Lupus just wore me down. Unfortunately I turned inward instead of upwards. 

For I do not do the good that I want to do, but I practice the evil that I do not want to do. Romans 7:19 HCSB

These words played in my head every time I pushed the next episode button. I knew I just needed to turn back to God, open his word. It will heal...step out of the darkness and into the light of his mercy. 

In the darkness I focus on the mistakes I've made. Thinking I am doing so well to stop my meds, that because I don't feel bad I don't need them. Not wearing sunblock or a hat....my body reminds me these meds are vital...joints stop doing what I ask, fevers and rashes start appearing. Yes. I know what I am to do. The worst part? What example am I setting for the Type 1. Her A1c has hit 13.4. Dangerously high. Her pump is tuned, insulin good, sites in correctly. It all comes down to human error. Did you check your sugar? Did you bolus? Constantly we ask. Attitude and tempers flare. 

Different diseases. Same issue. 

We both know what we ought to do and we both think we've got it under control...that we can do it alone...we don't need any help. That is the lie you can begin to believe when you face an illness day after day. 

It is a lie that will isolate and send you into darkness. We were not meant to be alone, we were meant to surrender. Surrender control, fears of mistakes. Surrender to grace and mercy. In surrendering, I find hope.

Because of the Lord ’s faithful love we do not perish, for His mercies never end. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness! Lamentations 3:22, 23 HCSB