Recently I have been very blessed to be in a medicated remission. Most days I can honestly say I feel normal. I am enjoying these good days and so blessed to have them. It is easy to forget what those bad days where like or worry about when they will return. I know I can not live this way. I have to prepare myself for those bad days and those moments when the hopeless thoughts start to takeover.
Having an opportunity to be normal is a gift. It is received by being with other Lupus patients. We are a gift to each other. No one else can understand the inability to fold laundry (this is not to be confused with my deep hatred of folding laundry so maybe I should see this more often as a blessing) or feel completely exhausted after getting up in the morning.
I have been learning how important community is. It is so easy to try to handle our emotional battles alone. A physical need is easier to notice. That pile of laundry that took over the couch, but those emotional needs they can be easily hidden with a smile. They need to be taken care of too. Sharing my emotions, as I am learning, is harder than dealing with my physical needs. I can ask someone to fold the laundry, but to share my fears and hopeless moments that means being vulnerable. Being vulnerable to sharing emotions is an amazing release, an opening into a deepening relationship. I have been surrounded by an amazing support system from my family, friends, and "lupus family". My lupus family is my support group I attend monthly where I can be truly honest about how I am dealing with my "normal". So maybe I can learn to share that today is not a good day, that I am scared, or I am angry I have to cancel again because I am too tired or in too much pain. I will still probably tell you with a smile!
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