What Do You Have to Share?

This morning I read a little gift and it was SO needed. Each day is a gamble when you live with Lupus, Celiac, or any chronic illness. Today, I am in pain and after changing out of my pajamas and walking downstairs I am exhausted. Today, we have doctor's appointments. Hello! Today is not a good day...but we don’t get this choice. 

What I did get this morning was a gift of wisdom. As I turned off my alarm I pondered whether to take a quick scroll through social media or open my Bible app. Today, like most days when I make the right choice, I find a little gift. 

Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.

Hebrews 13:16 

It is easy to become disheartened when you have to say no I can’t help. We forget we each do good in different ways and have different things to share. Recently there have been several families in my community needing meals. I want to do good and share what I have with others but I’m not dependable because it's a gamble to know if I'll be well enough. I used to be frustrated with myself. Now, I know saying no is okay. I have to do what I am able to do, this is all, not what good I see every one else doing, what they have to share.

I may not have money to donate to a cause or energy to provide a meal for a family but I am able to send an encouraging word. What I have most days are words or just a smile. Giving what I have is not hard, it’s just that sharing what I have feels a little risky at times. And what I have to share is not what you have to share. Maybe you are a listener, a doer. Whether you have financial resources, musical talent, the gifts of wisdom, teaching, or listening we just need to use what we have and share it. There is a saying about Lupus. I have Lupus, Lupus doesn’t have me. Yes, I have Lupus, but I also have gifts I can continue to share with others. Today what I have to share will not include getting much physically accomplished (the laundry pile from my last post may have doubled in size) but I have words and a smile. 

What do you have to share?

Allowing My Body To Heal

I’ve been planning on completing a Whole30 since my Celiac diagnosis last March. It was suggested by my nutritionist to see if there are other foods that don’t like me even though they taste so yummy. I’ve also had enough of being sick and tired. I know this won’t be a fix all, but if there is one thing I can pinpoint and say - you make me feel terrible, are you really worth eating? I’m good with it. A Whole30 basically consists of vegetables, most fruits, lean meats, and healthy fats. So, real food. 

I kept pushing my start date back mainly because my life is hectic and partly because of procrastination. An Asperger teen, a Type 1 Diabetic, who is graduating (a whole other post!), and life with Lupus and Celiac is enough normal I can handle. When our world turned upside down a few months back I really thought no way, I can’t do a Whole30 now. But honestly, would there ever be a good day to start. When January 1 came I decided it was time, I’m doing this. 

Day 10 is where I stand today. It’s hard. The food I have struggled with is cheese. I love cheese. I also love cupcakes, of course they need to be gluten free, but they’re not Whole30 compliant either. While cupcakes may be a favorite, dairy is my first love. There are many stories of food raids during my toddler years. I would often be found with a stick of butter or chunk of cheese. Luckily, I’ve overcome the urge to eat sticks of butter but cheese, well just thinking of it makes my mouth water. On day 6 when the kid’s pizza came out of the oven in all its bubbly, cheesy goodness, I lost my mind. I have no idea where this deep feeling of anger and jealousy came from and it was intense. Over cheese. 

Hopefully dairy will still love me when I reintroduce it. This is what is great about the Whole30 it’s not a diet. It’s a time to allow my body to heal. At the end of my Whole30 let’s hope there will be a cauliflower cheese pizza in my future. In the meantime I’m going to enjoy my chicken curry lettuce wraps and butternut squash with ghee. Ghee is my new love!

Remember What Makes You Smile

When someone you love or you live with a chronic illness there are times that feel as if you are frozen. Motivation slows down. Thoughts don’t connect as quickly as they should. 

This is where I am. This is where I’ve been. 

I can blame how my kids are dealing with their issues, Lupus fog, a Celiac attack, or depression. Although it may help distinguish what is going on in my body and mind, blame does not help. My mind is not at ease. So how do I move forward. 

There isn’t one solution but here are a few of  the strategies I use to keep moving forward:

Give myself a break. Take time to shut down. Read. Netflix binge. Make no apologies for what needs to be done and remains undone. 

Move slowly. Choose one thing to do today. Do it. Be thankful I can.

Choose five things. Before I go to sleep I write down five things that made me smile today. Even if it’s just a little. 

Assess my body. What physical symptoms am I feeling? Do I need to contact a doctor?

Assess my emotions. Where are they coming from? Am I dealing in a healthy manner.

Pray.

Repeat my mantra. When my heart is overwhelmed lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

Give myself grace. 

Living with an illness is hard. Living with children with illness is hard. Sometimes it’s harder than others. Sometimes it doesn’t make sense. Sometimes it’s overwhelming. 

In those moments I’m overwhelmed, I can take a deep breath. Remind myself this is just a moment. I’ll get through it. Good moments will come too. 

As this past month has taught me, I may have to take A LOT of deep breaths. Take a few breaks, see my doctor, help my kids process their struggles, visit with friends and talk deeply. Most of all give myself the grace I need. Lower my expectations and remember what made me smile.

What made you smile today?