It turns out it's been around awhile. My digestive track is damaged throughout. I've lost the ability to absorb nutrients. The treatment no gluten. Never again. Not a bit. No cross contamination. It will take at least 6-8 weeks for healing to begin. Some of the damage unreversable.
I begin a new normal. New normals are nothing new for our family. Part of the process of accepting a new normal is anger.
It's not fair.
Life isn't fair. I can't even count the times we've tried to explain to the kids why some people suffer with illness and others don't.
So here I sit crying because I'm exhausted and in pain. I made myself a gluten free birthday cake but I used the sifter which I last used to make bread. I've been miserable all day. All because I cross contaminated. Turns out even the smallest amount of gluten will make me sick. It tasted okay but it wasn't the same. And now I'm crying . Then I'm angry because I'm crying because I'm angry.
I seem to have been here before. The whole sunscreen and hat rebellion.
I remind myself it's okay. Be angry. Acknowledge my frustrations, but don't dwell there. Dwell on what I've overcome and what I can overcome.
It won't be easy. So dwell on what I know, I've learned to live with a chronic illness. I've overcome fears, anger, disappointments, and frustrations.
I've chosen to love a life that is just not fair and I'll choose to again.
But really...I can't be in the sun and now no cupcakes. I really love cupcakes. Maybe it's a good thing I can't have fluffy, moist cupcakes. Nope. Not there yet, not fair.
I really, really love cupcakes.
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