When Lupus Tries to Interrupt a Whole30

I am officially halfway into my first Whole30 and it has been full of highs and a few lows.

I’ll share my lows first but I have a hard time labeling them lows because there are valuable lessons in each one.

It is not a magic cure. I know not everyone has the same results but I was hoping the amazing energy would last. I started off feeling great but my Lupus decided despite my healthy choices to take me down. 

Overcoming food issues is not easy. I have dealt with eating disorders in the past and I did not expect the fear. Fears of eating too much, not knowing my weight. I have some work to do.

Highs, these are awesome!

My celiac disease is completely nonexistent. Eating clean whole foods takes away the majority of the risk of being glutened.

Sleep is great!

Learning to notice my non scale victories. I am totally loving The Whole30 Day By Day by Melissa Hartwig. Each day I find encouragement and I am reminded to look for my non scale victories. If you are thinking of planning a Whole30 this is an excellent tool.

Trying new recipes. The Whole30 is one man show at our house, except dinner. Although my family seems to be eating a 2nd dinner, usually consisting of cereal and oatmeal pies, they are served a delicious Whole30 compliant dinner. But 2nd dinner is a real thing at our house without a Whole30. No one has complained. Roasted broccoli and cauliflower rice are now a family favorite. I have accepted I cannot control all the food that is brought into the house or how many dinners some people may eat. I can control saying no. 

Saying no is big for me, especially when it comes to food. Food is my comfort when I am sick. So the fact that I’ve felt like I was hit by a truck for the past week and have not focused on food is a giant step.

There are definitely more highs than lows but even my lows are highs. They have opened my eyes to emotions that are just below the surface. Emotions that are ready to be exposed. It will be difficult but I am being  given the chance to see if I can really put these lessons into practice. My ability to say no is going to be challenged. I am currently sitting in my doctors office and the visible signs of Lupus are present. Puffy hands that barely move and the no denying butterfly rash. I am officially no longer in remission. Prednisone burst starts today. Prednisone and food control have never been compatible for me. I will be relying heavily on prayer partners and bible verses, along with the lessons I’m learning through my non scale victories. I think I’m going to be alright, but I do wonder how my family will feel about a lock on the pantry. 

Here is one of my favorite easy go to meals. Sautéed Salad and Chicken Sausage.

• 2 t Garlic Ghee

• 1/2 Cup Beets

• 3 Cups Kale & Shredded Brussel Sprout 

               Salad mix

• 1 Chicken Sausage Link

Melt Ghee in frying pan then add remaining ingredients. Sauté until salad mix cooks down about 4 minuets. *Always remember to check your labels for Whole30 compliance.

The Couch Is Calling

Every year my plan is to start the school/work year off with a clean house. For myself a clean house is a happy place. I 100% believe the rest of my family find their happy place in piles and chaos. Binders make me happy. Binders contain my mess. My life, like my binders, can not always be kept neat and tidy. So, I am doing everything that needs to be done to start a neat and tidy school year. Care plans, behavior plans, 504 reviews, doctors appointments. As I type, I'm on the phone rescheduling appointments to fit another in. Just a note, taming my compulsion to constantly multi-task is on my list to improve on my mess.

I am surrounded by my mess and I HATE messes, but I may have made a breakthrough. This mess, that is my life, I am pretty proud of it. These kid's, who are strong, fight everyday. Overcoming battles I can only walk alongside. This husband, who works long hard hours, stands by my side as I complain how crummy I feel.

This mess is my life.

This mess is what it takes to make sure my kids have the best fighting chance. It is what allows me to have time with my husband. There will always be laundry and dishes. Paperwork and doctor's appointments.

Time will not always be. So, I am going to go lay on the couch. I'm going to rest in the midst of my mess. Tomorrow the school year begins for me then this weekend our annual Acts 2:42 Camping trip. I am out of time. I could allow myself to be overwhelmed by all that still needs to be done. I could also recognize my limitaions as a fighter of Lupus and Celiac Disease. Recognizing my limitations gives me time. Time with family. Time with friends.

Yep, the couch is calling.

Not Fair

My brain has been a little foggy but for once Lupus is not at fault. Welcome to Celiac Disease. 

It turns out it's been around awhile. My digestive track is damaged throughout. I've lost the ability to absorb nutrients. The treatment no gluten. Never again. Not a bit. No cross contamination. It will take at least 6-8 weeks for healing to begin. Some of the damage unreversable. 

I begin a new normal. New normals are nothing new for our family. Part of the process of accepting a new normal is anger. 

It's not fair. 

Life isn't fair. I can't even count the times we've tried to explain to the kids why some people suffer with illness and others don't.

So here I sit crying because I'm exhausted and in pain. I made myself a gluten free birthday cake but I used the sifter which I last used to make bread. I've been miserable all day. All because I cross contaminated. Turns out even the smallest amount of gluten will make me sick. It tasted okay but it wasn't the same. And now I'm crying . Then I'm angry because I'm crying because I'm angry. 

I seem to have been here before. The whole sunscreen and hat rebellion. 

I remind myself it's okay. Be angry. Acknowledge my frustrations, but don't dwell there. Dwell on what I've overcome and what I can overcome. 

It won't be easy. So dwell on what I know, I've learned to live with a chronic illness. I've overcome fears, anger, disappointments, and frustrations. 

I've chosen to love a life that is just not fair and I'll choose to again.

But really...I can't be in the sun and now no cupcakes. I really love cupcakes. Maybe it's a good thing I can't have fluffy, moist cupcakes. Nope. Not there yet, not fair.

I really, really love cupcakes.