White Flag

Some days we just need a break from our chronic illness.

I need a break. I think it. I say it. I don’t do it in a healthy way. Lupus, Type 1 Diabetes, or any other chronic illness does not allow breaks.

My threshold for dealing with lupus has grown but also has my ability to forgot what I need to do to live my best life with Lupus.

Recently my daughter with Type 1 diabetes had enough. She took a break. And like Lupus there are no breaks. After not watching her sugar constantly she quickly went into Ketoacidosis. She was tired of living with Type 1. 

I get it. 

We want a break but our bodies don’t allow them. If I head out to run errands without my sunscreen I will spend days in bed with debilitating pain and fatigue. One day of not being vigilant with my Lupus and my body rebels. 

We want to take a break and we know it’s not the best for our health. So what do we do. 

As we sat in the hospital I suggested we give each other a break. When keeping track of meds, blood sugar checks, or applying sunscreen begins to overwhelms us we will tell each other. We will wave the white flag and say we surrender, will you help. Remind me to take my meds, slow down and rest, reapply my sunscreen, wear a hat. I will remind you to check your sugar, bolus your insulin. 

There is no reason to go through a chronic illness alone, reach out and find someone you trust. Wave the white flag, surrender, and stop trying to do it all yourself. 

In what areas of living with a chronic illness can you wave the white flag, surrender, and ask for help?

Hope Through the Smallest Progress

I cried in the doctors office. Okay...I cry a lot. Happy tears. Sad tears. Angry tears. Frustrating tears.

These were happy tears...in a doctor's office at that! We have brought the A1c down. 

Being the parent of a Type 1 Diabetic, we often feel we are on trial.  We hold our breaths until the nurse walks in with the one number. The number that decides how well we've controlled the Diabetes. Basically how "good of a parent" am I. Now, there is no guarantee that if we do everything right her A1c will be perfect. Type 1 Diabetes is an Auto-Immune disease, there are factors way beyond our control. 

As parents of a child who's life depends each day on insulin there is a responsibility which weighs heavy on our hearts. Each one of us has spent nights by our kids beds. Set alarms every 2 hours. Rushed to the hospital in fear. 

And we are all gaged by the A1c. Our daughter has lived with Type 1 for 10 years and until this day her A1c has been in the danger zone. We are still not at a healthy number but it is progress. 

Progress, even the smallest, gives us hope. We hope for less highs and lows, a little bit of normal for our kids.  A little encouragement to keep them going...happy tears to balance out the frustration tears.

What Was I Thinking

What was I thinking...

It's been seven days since I've spoken to my daughter. Seven days without what's your blood sugar, did you bolus. Seven days while she is 1,759 miles away. And not a word. 

But this is a good thing. I couldn't be more proud of her mission focused heart. She has overcome so much this past year. 

When she started asking about going on an overseas mission trip I wanted to tell her it's not possible. You have a chronic illness. You'll be to far away. I took the cowardly way and left it up to her doctor. And to my dismay the Dominican Republic was one of the few places they would approve her to travel to. I was expecting (okay I was hoping) they would say no. 

We applied for a passport. We packed her bags. One filled with medical supplies. We reviewed emergency pump procedures. Obtained a letter to travel from her doctor. We said good bye. 

My heart overcome. She's growing up. 

In two days she will be flying home. In two days she will have proven how strong and mature she is. She will be home with memories of a lifetime. She will have proven to herself that living with an illness has it's trials but she can still embrace a life full of adventure. 

What was I thinking...

I'm thinking she is going to be what I've prayed for her to be. 

Kind. Compassionate. Strong.

I Can't, I Quit

Lately I've wanted to throw in the towel. Yell, I quit at the top of my lungs. This is not something new. Quitting is always my first reaction to life's troubles. My mind momentarily shouts RUN, your not capable. Then I regain my thoughts and remember I am not alone. I can do this. 

I make the mistake of turning on Netflix instead of opening my bible. I use tv as an escape. It's much easier to live life in someone else's life. Their problems will be settled by season end. If only I could skip forward to the end, but that wouldn't be living my life.

My life full of troubles. We all have something we struggle with if we're honest. If we're authentic we can say I need a shoulder to cry on, I need a sister to tell me the truth in love, a safe place to confess my sins, a friend to hold me accountable.

Tomorrow I will not wake up and be healed of Lupus, have a perfect marriage, a child without Type 1 Diabetes, or Autism. No, tomorrow I will awake and do my best to get out of bed despite fatigue and joint pain; love unconditionally; monitor blood sugar and boluses, encourage her when she feels different from all the other kids; be patient when he's upset we're off schedule or plans have changed.

I will do my best because even though I begin to think I can't, I quit. God reminds me I can. God has put me here, allowed troubles to arise, and given me everything I need.

But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me. So I take pleasure in weaknesses, insults, catastrophes, persecutions, and in pressures, because of Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9, 10 HCSB)

There Is No "Easy Button"

I love the Staples Easy Button commercials. I find myself looking for that button often.  Being a wife and mother is difficult on its own but add in Type 1 Diabetes, Autism Spectrum, Lupus or any illness, past hurts, or lost hopes,  you may find yourself looking for that button on a daily basis. 

It comes down to this one simple fact. We live in a world full of sin. Not a single one of us is without. We hurt each other without even realizing with a quick word, a simple act.

Life is not fair. A lesson we teach to our kids every day. It's not fair you are sick, you can't handle the plans changed, somedays mom has to stay in bed. Life isn't fair. I hate to say this but it's true in a fallen world. 

As I was looking again for that Easy Button, I thought of the red service phone you find in the store.   If you need help you just need to reach out and ask for it. I realize I may never get to push the Easy Button but I will get down on my knees and reach to a God who is ready to answer with grace and mercy.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 NIV